I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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