Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
