i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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