I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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