Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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