He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
