It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
