She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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