Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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