You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
