You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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