this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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