He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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