I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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