I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
