Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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