oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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