I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
