I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
