I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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