the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
