Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
