Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
