I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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