I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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