why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
try to milk me bitch
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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