what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
