Redeem this text for a blowjob
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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