You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
