Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
