He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
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I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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