we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
