this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
