i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
