let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
