yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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