At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
