The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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