i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
