apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
