i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
