I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.