chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now