2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
