You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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