wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
