Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
