how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
