I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
