I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
