I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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