RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
