Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
my poor anus
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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