I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
