Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
