weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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