i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
