From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
