I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
