I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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