worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
