Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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