lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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