my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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