im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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