i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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