I'm going to jail i love you
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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